| i just read a post from someone... |
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| 11:56am 10/02/2009 |
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I'm so tired of all these entries about people being alone, and being abandoned by friends and family. I mean, speaking from experience, I can relate but dont' bitch about it when it's your own doing. If you don't like being alone, go out to a coffee shop where there's people. If you feel abandoned, listen to music, get a pet, call friends, or if you don't have any friends, get online to find friends. But don't expect sympathy from someone who doesn't feel the same. I dont' want to give a sob story of my life and quite honestly, I have experienced far worse than abandonment and loneliness but do I ever bitch about it? Fuck no. This might make me seem like a total jerk, but really, come on...stop whining and do something about for christ's sake. |
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| something I dug up.. |
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| 01:33pm 20/11/2008 |
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Please fill this out! Everyone?
o name:
o age:
o where on earth do you live:
o reason behind your LJ username:
o five things you want to do/accomplish before you die:
o what makes you happy:
o what have you been listening to lately:
o do you enjoy reading my LJ:
o if so, why:
o interesting fact about you:
o are you in love at the moment:
o favourite destination:
o favourite quote:
o will you post this in your LJ:
>> RECOMMEND
o a movie (that amazes you - a beautiful movie):
o a book (that inspires you, and one you couldn't put down):
o a musical artist, song, or album:
o your favourite LJ user (not on my list already): |
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| i did something odd |
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| 06:01pm 18/11/2008 |
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I spent the last hour reading on the past 6 years of my life on LJ. I have to say, I'm quite impressed at how much shit went on. You know when you're writing at that moment you don't think about the future at all, you hardly even think about 10 minutes from then. So I find it weird...It has really been 6 years hasn't it? Dating back to 03...Look at what have changed. It's quite scary to think about. 6 years....6 years....god, what a time frame. |
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| so it looks like i get EL JAY at work! |
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| 09:41am 14/11/2008 |
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life has been busy lately! I've found myself hacking hours away in a very well financed-insurance corporation that pays me real well for not doing much. I've made some really cool friends here. the only problem is that I don't have a car and it's starting to get chilly real fast. I've been having thoughts about starting up a project with writing. Sure, I've been experiencing a lot of writer's block and on most days I'm really tired. Looks like I won't be in california for thanksgiving. No black friday with the lil brother and I'm be breaking my yearly tradition. I won't have thanksgiving with my lil brother and his family and that kind of saddens me. I've always had thanksgiving with them. On a gamer's note:
I just bought a used (in amazing condition) psp. And I've been going crazy on it. It's a modified psp, so it can play NES+SNES+SEGA+N64+PSP games on emulator. I have all of the snes games on it, and I do mean all from A-Z. I got a case, psp cover, a 4 Gb card and headphones for 130. Not bad eh? The funny thing is that the seller and I have a lot in common. So we've kind of built a friendship off of a seller/buyer sort of relationship.
For once, I feel financially stable. I get paid weekly and though I usually spend it on food and essentials for the apartment, overall my hours are not cut and my pay is stable. I'm still battling it out in my head whether I should go to school in january or not. Part of me feels the need for education and another part of me feels completely content without exams and essays in my life. |
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| testing myself |
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| 04:13pm 31/07/2008 |
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I want to write a classic letter to someone with the statement:
Dear who/whatsoever..
I'm okay. Life is hard right now, but I think if I keep pushing myself, I'll be fine.
On to other things.
The humidity here kind of sucks. My arms are so sun burnt that they look like a burnt log that's been sitting in the fireplace for years. Ok, that's being over-dramatic. I've had a few interviews here and there, and I'm quite sure I'll get both jobs. If not...well, I'm sure manpower will help me out. Lucy (the GPS bitch on my phone) got me lost twice already. I think I might have to break up with her.
I miss my friends, I miss going out at night and doing random things. I've been testing myself on how much I can endure. Pushing myself over and over in hopes of finding a job. I keep telling myself, something will come up, someone will call back, so I check my email 10 times a day and have my phone within reaching distance like a dog waiting for its master.
This feels like reality, I have to face this. I have to stare this in the face and hit it with all my might. This is a dream I will not give up. |
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| blackkkout! |
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| 10:24pm 29/07/2008 |
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YES first major blackout. the whole street is pitch black, this is kind of cool. Although it's gonna get pretty hot since the a/c is out. |
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| almost 3 weeks later... |
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| 03:25pm 28/07/2008 |
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I found myself constantly checking my email for job updates and job offers. I've applied to many places and I've got two interviews so far. First one was Ozark steak house (which i'm hoping to get because I would make a lot of money) and the 2nd is a video store that offers benefits. I'm thinking I can juggle two jobs at once since I will be taking a semester off. It's been a rough few days for me, but slowly I'm getting used to it.
New plans and goals?
I realized how much I love going to school and attending classes. I think if I don't become a teacher, writer or an artist, I may just end up becoming a scholar. I've been thinking about how this move was going to set me back a few months, but really what is a few months against the rest of my life? Nothing. I've also been working on a new story. This story is completely different from what I've written, it revolves around a small town and it's problems.
I've become some what of an hermit, I'm trying to do something that I've never done before. Moreover, time here seems to go by very slow. A week feels like a month and a day feels like it's never ending. I kind of like it, it gives me more time to think and plan. |
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| A week later.... |
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| 04:36pm 15/07/2008 |
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It's been a whole week since I've been here in the midwest...And so far, I'm loving it. Although I will say the humidity is hard to take and the 2 hour difference puts a bit of a strain on my mind. Other than that, I've never met nicer people in my life! I live in a 2 story victorian house with a bedroom all to myself and the best roomates anyone could ever ask for. They clean, cook and are just great people all around. As for school, it looks like I won't be able to do much until the winter comes around, it's hard trying to get an IL ID here when the DMV is pretty damn ghetto. I just got a bike, yes a bike...I haven't ridden a bike in 11 years!! I fell off a few times and scraped my hand, but it's been fun. I like it a lot. |
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| once more |
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| 12:55am 08/07/2008 |
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mood:  accomplished music: Greeeen-Be free
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Today was probably the busiest day in my life. It was my last full day/night here in sac. Somehow, I'm not sad, I'll miss my friends for sure. But this town, I know i won't miss. I'm still doing some last minute packing, and going through stuff. I'll be done in about an hour. Everything has come to a close, I feel accomplished today. I've tied all the loose ends and completed everything I set out to do in the last 2 weeks. I feel as though I've worked myself raw and clawed my way up from my grave. All the obstacles and pit stops I've overcome has finally paid off. It is this moment I've lived for. The feeling of a a book finally finished, a chapter closed, finally. I won't have internet for a few days once I get to chicago, so if I don't update in the morning, it may be a while until I do. Until then, my friends, hags, fags, breeders alike, take care and wish me luck. |
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| one more day |
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| 11:50pm 06/07/2008 |
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That's right....ONE MORE FUCKING DAY. I'm exhausted from doing so many things over the weekend. I'll update some other time. I just need sleep right now. |
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| 4 more day |
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| 02:01pm 03/07/2008 |
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until I'm outta here. I sold most of my cds and dvds. I must've gotten rid of 50 cds. It felt good to get rid of them. A decade of pain and emo-ness, a decade of self doubt and insecurity....All gone. As I went through each album, I could remember what I was feeling. I will admit, those cds got me through a lot of pain and sleepless nights. I don't want to remember that pain anymore, I don't want to remember all the times when I wanted to slit my wrists and drugged myself to sleep.I got rid of more stuff today, clothes and games. Crossroads didn't take my clothes, so I donated them. It's getting closer. |
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| as samara says.. |
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| 06:32pm 01/07/2008 |
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7 days. A week left. A whole fucking week. Shit.... |
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| one week and five days left |
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| 05:36pm 26/06/2008 |
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It's coming closer and closer. All I can do now is take care of what I need to take care of. I still haven't packed, sold my stuff and gotten rid of the things I'm not going to take. Also, 2 more days of work. Almost there!! |
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| a test |
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| 02:55pm 18/06/2008 |
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I've been working a lot lately. These next two weeks will test my ability to stay focused. By my next paycheck, I'll rack up 70 hours. It's been exhausting, but if I can get through these two weeks of work, I'll feel a lot better. Just a little more, michael, just a little more. Is what i've been telling myself everyday the past week. I start my days off by waking up around 5 am to go to work and ending it with taking allergy pills and cough syrup around midnight so I can go to sleep earlier. My throat has been acting up lately and I think I'm getting sick. That won't stop me, I can't let a dumb sore throat or headache distract me from making enough money to live in Chicago. On the other hand, as the days fly by, I beginning to feel more and more depressed. I guess it's normal because it feels like I'll be leaving here for good...It just hit me the other night, that some of the people closest to me, hardly even know me. After years...They still don't suspect that anything is wrong. One day I'll write a book about everything that has happened in my life... |
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| the countdown is on |
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| 12:28pm 13/06/2008 |
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Bought my ticket a couple of days ago. This is it, no turning back. I've been in denial lately. I thought that this time would never come and all of this was just a road left untraveled. Now, having the confirmation number and all the information I need in my hand, it's all real. I leave July 8th. I have 3 and a half weeks left, is it enough to say goodbye? Is it enough to do everything I want to do here while this time is very limited? I hate feeling this way, as if time is running out and I sell myself short once again. Just a little more, I tell myself. Just a little more.... |
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| visiting the ghetto |
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| 07:48pm 06/06/2008 |
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I went back to my mother's to pick up my mail. Right when i turned on the street that she lives on, I got rather angry. I don't know why. I hate that place with passion. It makes me think of how badly of a life I lived. When I got there, I wanted to burn the house down, throw rocks or do something to it. My mother then said "you should just not move anymore.." I snapped, I got a little hostile on her. She asked why was I being mean when she was just asking nicely. She's has always held her children back. Making them feel sorry for her ass. Holding them back to the point where she will threaten her own life. God, I'm so angry right now. She doesn't understand that I have my own life to live and goals I want to achieve. She is a self-centered selfish old hag. I can't believe months later, she is still the same old bag. Why hasn't she learned that I am not one of her typical sons that will listen. I don't feel sorry for her, after all these years, all the fucking shit I've done for her. |
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| lately |
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| 04:17pm 04/06/2008 |
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I've been cooking a lot. Experimenting with different stuff. I made baked chicken that was marinated with sesame soy sauce and garlic chilli pepper. It was amazing. Yesterday I made hamburger helper with soy protein (it was gross, I don't recommend making it with any type of veggie meat at all!) it tasted like dirt with cheese. And right now, I just finished making grilled shrimp drizzled with soy sauce, garlic chilli sauce and hoisin sauce. It's pretty damn good. I think I may go find more recipes or making stuff on my own from now on. It feels really good to be able to cook your own dinner. |
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| random trip |
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| 10:43am 01/06/2008 |
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on thursday Tomas and i randomly went to the bay area. The both of us had about 15 bucks on us, which was enough for gas and some food. It was pretty damn amazing. We went to the ocean. We shared an experience that was spiritual and refreshing. I couldn't believe that it was our first trip out of town together. It felt odd because we've been friends for years. We had burgers at Tony's cable car restaurant, which was delicious. After that we drove home singing songs from the 90's and alanis morsette. Pretty Rad. I'd say we did pretty well for being a 5 hour trip. It's things like this I will miss most. |
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